Hey, guys. Long time no blog. I'd love to say it's because I've been working at my former breakneck speeds, juggling a dozen different projects, but the truth is I've struggled to face you. I don't have anything worth sharing these days. It's been months since I even opened one of my WIPs.
I know. Most authors will admit they've had lulls in creativity, days when their inspiration and motivation refuse to cooperate. They remedy it by pushing through. Butt in chair, hands on keyboard, as the saying goes. Real writers write every day.
Until they don't.
Other authors share their struggles with the publishing side of things. No matter how much time, money, and effort they've put into getting their work out there, they still haven't seen a return on their investments. (Or they have, and it's still not enough to justify the opportunity cost.) Day after day, everything in them screams to let this pipe dream go--but they don't. They can't. They won't!
Marketing is my realm of expertise, but even I'm ready to throw in the towel. Luck is the oh-so-crucial element no one in this industry wants to acknowledge, because doing so would mean accepting the sad lack of control we have over our careers these days. Sure, I have the know-how to make your advertisements convert. I could walk you through a dozen content offerings to make readers come to your site. But when it comes to my own work?
Nothing. It's. Just. Not. There.
5. Depression is irrational.
Though my life isn't quite what I'd imagined it would be, I have much to be thankful for. I count my blessings each and every day... and then I accept the guilt that comes with them. After all, there are others who have it far worse than I do. What right do I have to be discouraged?
4. Depression is relentless.
I have periods of normalcy. Sometimes my hormones level out and I feel like myself, but it's always temporary. As soon as I start to underestimate my opponent, as soon as I write off my depression as a phase, it makes its presence known in new and crushing ways.
3. Depression is dangerous.
Often times, it lies below the surface in wait. It'll lurk there for days, weeks--sometimes even months--before it tries to pull me under. Ever see a crocodile do a death roll on one of those nature shows? It latches on, and there's no stopping it. You hit the bottom before you even realize you're headed down.
2. Depression is tiring.
Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. Actually, if my dog didn't wake me up with a list of demands--and I didn't adore my clients—I might not. Depression can drain you to the point you lack the will to do anything.
1. Depression is real
There will always be people who scoff at the word "depression," rattling off a list of ways to get over it. Medicine, counseling, herbs, and oils--I don't care what you try, there's no quick fix. It's an every day struggle and an every day choice. But you know what? I'm tired of playing defense.
I picked up a copy of FERVENT: A Woman's Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer by Priscilla Shirer (affiliate link), and it's changing the way I look at my situation. It's a powerful read, but written in such a conversational tone that I lost myself in its pages.
I never speak of religion (or politics) on this blog, but if any of this post resonated with you, you might consider giving the book a chance. I did, and I like to believe it's helping. I'll keep you posted.
Question of the Week
How have you (really) been?
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© 2011, Carrie Butler.